How Not to Get Shortlisted

What steps did you follow in deciding which XXXXXXXXXX firms to apply to?

I opened the list of companies visiting campus for summer placement and related my CV to all of them. But that’s just twenty words and I have to stretch this to ninety somehow, so let’s pretend there was deep thought and profound logic involved. I analyzed my strengths and weaknesses – nope, sorry, I’m not supposed to mention my weaknesses here – my strengths and skills relevant to the XXXXXXXXXX industry to arrive at this vital decision. That’s seventy-five words, and this sentence brings it to ninety, so here ends the story.

Why would you like to intern with AAAAA?

Let’s get one thing straight. I would not like to intern with anybody. I would like to spend next summer lounging on a sunny beach with a book, preferably in Majorca. But that would mean a long and arduous fight with the PGP office – not something a girl in her right mind would undertake.
So that’s why I want AAAAA; I have no information about whether AAAAA wants me. If they do I hope they will tell me so immediately; I can then stop distorting the truth six times daily.

What made you choose the BBBBBB position in the firm?

Does it matter? It’s just two months; nothing you do to me could possibly be more taxing than the first term at IIMA. Since you’re asking, though, it was eighth on the list and eight was listed as my lucky number today. Don’t ask me where. I’m sure it was somewhere.
Being of sound body and allegedly sound mind, I can guarantee that I will not set the building on fire. There’s no other damage I can do in eight weeks, so it’s not such a dusty proposition. I hope.

Discuss your Extra-Curricular Activities and Interests.

I doubt cursing myself for not keeping every certificate I ever won (I should have hyphenated that to save words) counts, so let’s stick with the usual… books literature drama poetry math. It would have been maths but for Microsoft Word. I have wasted enough time clicking “Ignore” to be willing to concede the point.
Something missing? Oh, yeah, proof that I’m not lying through my teeth because I think it matters to recruiters that I won a prize for reciting “Jack and Jill” at the age of three.
Er.

Not the best way to get a job offer, I concede, unless there are points for originality.